警察重啟高爾性侵害調查 – or, Apple News Embarrasses Itself Again

Seen on Youtube

Police re-open investigation into Al Gore sex poodle claims (警察重啟高爾性侵害的調查)

I admit I waste alot of time surfing the internet.  It’s a fantastic diversion in which by gleaning bits of useless knowledge we trick ourselves into thinking we’re getting smarter.  Anyways, I’m at the fantastic site otherwise known as Gawker and I see this video, made by people that are otherwise known as the shame of China, the Apple Daily of Taiwan and Hong Kong.

If you’ve ever asked yourself “do I really need to see it?”, Apple Daily answers  that question for you.  If you want to see re-inactments of Al Gore, Tiger Woods, Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien doing terrible things that are only allegedly to have to said to have happened, well this is your type of journalism.  As well I should bring up that Apple Daily also does re-inactments of child molestations, you know, the stuff you automatically refrain from thinking about because you are a good and moral person.  Apple Daily once did a “teaser” in which the child molestation re-inactment paused right at the offending part to ask to viewer to join their paid subscription if they “want to see more”.  I said no.

Here is a transcript of the news story that announces the sexual assault case against Al Gore has been re-opened, and then my translation.


(October 25, 2006, 4am)

高爾和紀錄片製作人Laurie David
(we have decided to separate)

Police to restart investigation into Al Gore sexual assault accusation

American police in Portland, Oregon
Have re-opened an investigation into
A female masseuse’s accusations that
Former Vice President Al Gore
Sexually assaulted her
According to the masseuse, named (Molly) Hagerty
In 2006, when she was servicing Mr Gore
He attempted to rape her
She says that during the massage
Mr Gore was continually extending his hands out to grope her
She describes Mr Gore as acting like an “oversexed poodle”
Ms Hagerty claims that she has strong evidence:
A pair of trousers with a stain on them
She believes that during the provocation
The stain came from contact with Mr Gore’s bathrobe
For some people this stain recalls
Memories of Mr Gore’s previous boss, Bill Clinton
Also, Ms Hagerty perhaps had learned something from
(Monica) Lewinsky’s physical experience
She spent 35$US to examine for sperm
However, the results were inconclusive
Ms Hagerty placed the trousers
As well as a chocolate bar that Mr Gore had eaten
And locked them into a safe deposit box
When the news broke she sent the trousers
To be more precisely examined for DNA
Several hours after the rape occurred
Ms Hagerty found a friend whom to grumble
(October 25, 2006, 4am)

However, she was unable to get her liberal friends to acknowledge her trouble
They all felt that Ms Hagerty shouldn’t publicize this to the outside world
After all, Mr Gore is a hero for confronting global warming
After the incident was exposed
When Mr Gore was in San Diego attending a function
He refused to do any interviews with the media
But would only firmly state his innocence through a spokesperson
It is rumored that
Mr Gore had a fling with documentary film producer Laurie David
As well as a cheerleader
On June 1st, Mr Gore sent out an email
Stating that he and his wife of 40 years, Tipper, were separating
Thereby destroying the previous image of having the perfect marriage
(we have decided to separate)
Apple Action News

重啟(重启)chong2qi3 to restart
侵害qin1hai4 to violate, to encroach on, to infringe on
奧勒崗州(奥勒岗州)ao4lei1gang3zhou1 Oregon
波特蘭市)(波特兰市)bo1te4lan2shi4 Portland
控诉kong4su4 to accuse, to denounce
根據(根据)gen1ju4 according to, based on
海格蒂 hai3ge2di4 (Molly) Hagerty
施shi1 to carry out, to execute
企圖qi3tu2 to attempt
霸王硬上弓ba4wang2ying4shang4gong1 euphanism for rape, a讳语hui4yu3 euphanism
霸王ba4wang2 Xiang Yu, the conqueror; a despot, an overlord
鹹豬手xian2zhu1shou3 “salty pig foot” to have lascivious hands
形容xing2rong2 to describe, look or appearance
貴賓夠gui4bin1gou3 poodle
貴賓gui4bin1 honored or distinguished guest
聲稱(声称)sheng1cheng1 to claim, to state, to proclaim
有力you3li4 strong, forceful
證據(证据)zheng4ju4 evidence, proof
污漬wu3zi4 stain
浴袍yu4pao2 bathrobe, robe
施暴shi1bao4 to use violence, to rape
留下liu2xia4 to remain
柯林頓ke1lin2dun4 Clinton
陸文斯基lu4wen2si1ji1 (Monica) Lewinsky
檢驗(检验)jian3yan4 to inspect, to examine, to test
精子jing1zi3 sperm
明確ming2que4 clear cut, definite, make clear
透露tou4lu4 to leak out, to divulge, to reveal
精準(精准)jing1zhun3 precise, accurate
訴苦(诉苦)su4ku3 to grumble
卻que4 but, yet, however
得不到de2bu2dao4 cannot get, cannot obtain
自由派zi4you2pai4 liberal
認同(认同) ren4tong2 to identify, to approve, to acknowledge
對外dui4wai4 external, foreign
張揚(张扬)zhang1yang2 to publicize, to make known
畢竟(毕竟)bi4jing4 actually, after all, all in all, when all is said and done
對抗dui4kang4 to confront, oppose, withstand, resist
聖地牙哥(圣地亚哥)sheng1di4ya2ge1 San Diego
採訪(采访) cai3fang3 interview
透過tou4guo4 via, through
發言人fa1yan2ren2 spokesperson
表明biao3ming2 to make know, make clear, state clearly, indicate
清白qing1bai2 innocence
傳聞(传闻)chuan2wen2 rumor, it is said, they say, hearsay
紀錄片ji4lu4pian1 documentary film
製作人zhi4zuo4ren2 producer
以及yi3ji2 as well as, too, and
分居fen1ju1 to separate
恩愛en1ai4 adj like mutual love between a husband and a wife

Some notes: a poodle 贵宾狗is a “distinguished guest dog”, groping (伸咸猪手) is “extending a salty pig hoof”, and even though this report mentions rape in the title (性侵害),the quasi-成语 “霸王硬上弓” is used instead. One should note that it isn’t a four character 成语, and it is five characters that replace two: Chinese love the euphanisms (悔语)。

Also, I can now honestly say I have experienced one of their newscasts and I can say it really is terrible. C’mon people: if you don’t respect other people at least respect yourselves.

Still, I go to them for my online news source often.


1 Response to “警察重啟高爾性侵害調查 – or, Apple News Embarrasses Itself Again”

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