小賈斯丁慘遭網友惡搞 – Internet Turns on Justin Bieber

Have you seen the Chinese Youtube video that illustrates all of Justin Bieber’s rumors come to life, but you didn’t know what they were talking about?  Well, internet friend, you’ve come to the right place because I have translated the entire short video from Taiwanese putonghua into English.

If you actually enjoy real news and objectivity, then this won’t be enjoyable for you.  However, if you are actually interested to find out how skewed a Chinese perspective can be upon popular culture, then this could be interesting.  “News organisation” NMA News answers the question “Do I honestly need to know everything outside the realm of good taste and morals?” with a resounding 百分之百是的! Here’s from their own description of the video:

“The Internet may have made Justin Bieber, but there are millions of people out there who want to knock him down just as quickly as his rise to fame. See Justin survive a car crash, visit an STD clinic, dance with Kim Jong Il and get beaten up by the Jonas Brothers.”

I don’t know of millions of people who want to knock down Justin Bieber, but I do know of a “news organisation” that loves to humiliate and destroy celebrities–you, NMA News.  Oh, and Apple Action News gets a worthy nomination as well.

Sure, the internet and the world at large don’t need to use their collective imaginations anymore to envision what Kim Jong-Il would look like as a back-up dancer (see 1:14) but this is trash; enjoyable trash, but trash nonetheless.  I suppose this is what happens when the free press of Taiwan meets the practical crass Chinese mentality to exploit every situation for material gain.  Myself, I don’t have an opinion on Little Justin as I don’t know him or his music, but it is universally accepted that he looks like an attractive lesbian.

Enjoy the translation.

小賈斯丁慘遭網友惡搞 – Internet Turns on Justin Bieber
Little Justin suffers from the evil meddling of online peers

Canada’s golden boy of singing Little Justin
is an undisputed internet star through and through
He can attribute his massive fame thanks to his mother
who had put his video up on Youtube at an early age
The fame of Little Justin
Grew and grew on Youtube
Not long after he was discovered by a talent scout
And signed a recording contract
The ubiquitous “Little Justin Fever”
Started to become fashionable all around the world with young girls

However, at the same little Justin was becoming
The favorite target for evil meddling
In June of this year a rumor spread on the internet
That said that little Justin had died in a traffic accident
His fans were distraught with their hopes dashed
But he was quick to appear and clear up this false rumor

A website that meddles in evilness called 4chan
had its members unite together to punish Justin
And made the phrase “the syphilis of Little Justin”
Into Google’s most popular search
And then there was another rumor that stated a men’s magazine
Offered Little Justin’s mom fifty thousand USD to pose for glamor shots
This rumor hurt him and also had to be extinguished

Some hackers opposed to Justin
Unexpectedly connected [searches for] his music video to receive [search links for ] a pornographic web site

Little Justin asked his fans
in an online questionnaire where they would like him to appear next to perform
Where he was pranked again (made to drink a coupon)
When five hundred thousand people asked him to go to North Korea to perform

Although Little Justin has repeatedly been targeted with evil meddling
He is still a confident young man
Just recently he unexpectedly taunted the three Jonas brothers
And said that he alone can completely defeat the three of them

惡e3(噁心) nauseated
e4 evil, ferocious
wu4 to loathe
貨真價實huo4zhen1jia4shi2 high quality at a decent price; through and through
多虧(多亏)duo1kui1 thanks to, owing to, fortunately, luckily
星探xing1tan4 talent scout
發掘fa1jue2 to be unearthed, to be found
合約he2yue1 contract
一般yi4ban1 same, ordinary
風靡(风靡)feng1mi3 to be fashionable
宅zhai2 residence
對象(对象)dui4xiang4 target, object, boyfriend, girlfriend
車禍che1huo4 traffic accident
欲yu4 desire, to want
澄清cheng2qing1 to clear up, clarify, make clear
成員cheng2yuan2 member
聯合lian2he2 unite
字串zi4chuan2 character string
熱門re4men2 popular, hot, in vogue
搜尋sou1xun2 to look for, seach, hunt
艷(艳)yan4 gorgeous, romantic, envy
滅火(灭火)mie4huo3 to extinguish
駭客hai4ke4 “hacker”
駭hai4 astonish, startle
連接lian2jie1 to link, to connect
接到jie1dao4 to receive
問卷wen4juan3 questionnaire
灌guan4 to irrigate, to force to drink
屢次(屡次)lv3ci4 repeatedly, frequently, time and time again113
喬納斯qiao2na4si1 “Jonas”
嗆(呛)qiang4qiang1 to peck; stupid foolish; to cough because of choking
打垮da3kua3 completely defeat, to rout

What is PO?  P.O.? Po?  The po-po?  It isn’t in the dictionary.


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