10
Jul
10

小賈斯丁慘遭網友惡搞 – Internet Turns on Justin Bieber

Have you seen the Chinese Youtube video that illustrates all of Justin Bieber’s rumors come to life, but you didn’t know what they were talking about?  Well, internet friend, you’ve come to the right place because I have translated the entire short video from Taiwanese putonghua into English.

If you actually enjoy real news and objectivity, then this won’t be enjoyable for you.  However, if you are actually interested to find out how skewed a Chinese perspective can be upon popular culture, then this could be interesting.  “News organisation” NMA News answers the question “Do I honestly need to know everything outside the realm of good taste and morals?” with a resounding 百分之百是的! Here’s from their own description of the video:

“The Internet may have made Justin Bieber, but there are millions of people out there who want to knock him down just as quickly as his rise to fame. See Justin survive a car crash, visit an STD clinic, dance with Kim Jong Il and get beaten up by the Jonas Brothers.”

I don’t know of millions of people who want to knock down Justin Bieber, but I do know of a “news organisation” that loves to humiliate and destroy celebrities–you, NMA News.  Oh, and Apple Action News gets a worthy nomination as well.

Sure, the internet and the world at large don’t need to use their collective imaginations anymore to envision what Kim Jong-Il would look like as a back-up dancer (see 1:14) but this is trash; enjoyable trash, but trash nonetheless.  I suppose this is what happens when the free press of Taiwan meets the practical crass Chinese mentality to exploit every situation for material gain.  Myself, I don’t have an opinion on Little Justin as I don’t know him or his music, but it is universally accepted that he looks like an attractive lesbian.

Enjoy the translation.

小賈斯丁慘遭網友惡搞 – Internet Turns on Justin Bieber
Little Justin suffers from the evil meddling of online peers

加拿大金童歌手小賈斯丁
Canada’s golden boy of singing Little Justin
是個貨真價實的網路明星
is an undisputed internet star through and through
他能夠爆紅要多虧他的媽媽
He can attribute his massive fame thanks to his mother
把他早年的影片PO到YOUTUBE上
who had put his video up on Youtube at an early age
小賈斯丁在YOUTUBE上
The fame of Little Justin
名氣越來越大
Grew and grew on Youtube
不久他就被星探發掘
Not long after he was discovered by a talent scout
簽下唱片合約
And signed a recording contract
一般『小賈斯丁熱』
The ubiquitous “Little Justin Fever”
開始風靡世界各地的年輕女孩子
Started to become fashionable all around the world with young girls

但小賈斯丁同時也變成
However, at the same little Justin was becoming
宅男最愛惡搞的對象
The favorite target for evil meddling
今年六月網路上流傳一個謠言
In June of this year a rumor spread on the internet
說小賈斯丁出了車禍死亡
That said that little Justin had died in a traffic accident
粉絲們傷心欲絕
His fans were distraught with their hopes dashed
他趕快現身澄清謠言
But he was quick to appear and clear up this false rumor

一個叫做4chan的惡搞網站
A website that meddles in evilness called 4chan
成員聯合串連惡整賈斯丁
had its members unite together to punish Justin
把『小賈斯丁的梅毒』的字串
And made the phrase “the syphilis of Little Justin”
變成谷歌上最熱門的搜尋
Into Google’s most popular search
又有另外一個謠言說有本男性雜誌
And then there was another rumor that stated a men’s magazine
要小賈斯丁的媽媽五萬美元拍艷照
Offered Little Justin’s mom fifty thousand USD to pose for glamor shots
害他有得去滅火
This rumor hurt him and also had to be extinguished

有反賈斯丁的駭客
Some hackers opposed to Justin
竟然把他的MV連接接到色情網站
Unexpectedly connected [searches for] his music video to receive [search links for ] a pornographic web site

小賈斯丁問粉絲
Little Justin asked his fans
想他下一站到哪裡演唱的網路問卷
in an online questionnaire where they would like him to appear next to perform
也被灌票
Where he was pranked again (made to drink a coupon)
竟有五十萬人叫他去北韓演唱
When five hundred thousand people asked him to go to North Korea to perform

雖然小賈斯丁屢次被惡搞
Although Little Justin has repeatedly been targeted with evil meddling
他還是個很有自信的年輕男孩
He is still a confident young man
最近竟然還向喬納斯兄弟三人組嗆聲
Just recently he unexpectedly taunted the three Jonas brothers
說他一人可以打垮他們三個
And said that he alone can completely defeat the three of them

惡e3(噁心) nauseated
e4 evil, ferocious
wu4 to loathe
貨真價實huo4zhen1jia4shi2 high quality at a decent price; through and through
多虧(多亏)duo1kui1 thanks to, owing to, fortunately, luckily
星探xing1tan4 talent scout
發掘fa1jue2 to be unearthed, to be found
合約he2yue1 contract
一般yi4ban1 same, ordinary
風靡(风靡)feng1mi3 to be fashionable
宅zhai2 residence
對象(对象)dui4xiang4 target, object, boyfriend, girlfriend
車禍che1huo4 traffic accident
欲yu4 desire, to want
澄清cheng2qing1 to clear up, clarify, make clear
成員cheng2yuan2 member
聯合lian2he2 unite
字串zi4chuan2 character string
熱門re4men2 popular, hot, in vogue
搜尋sou1xun2 to look for, seach, hunt
艷(艳)yan4 gorgeous, romantic, envy
滅火(灭火)mie4huo3 to extinguish
駭客hai4ke4 “hacker”
駭hai4 astonish, startle
連接lian2jie1 to link, to connect
接到jie1dao4 to receive
問卷wen4juan3 questionnaire
灌guan4 to irrigate, to force to drink
屢次(屡次)lv3ci4 repeatedly, frequently, time and time again113
喬納斯qiao2na4si1 “Jonas”
嗆聲
嗆(呛)qiang4qiang1 to peck; stupid foolish; to cough because of choking
打垮da3kua3 completely defeat, to rout

What is PO?  P.O.? Po?  The po-po?  It isn’t in the dictionary.

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